Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
