Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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