As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just pee around me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
