if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
