3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
