Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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