The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
