i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
