i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
