Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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