You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
