i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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