In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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