i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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