Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My ATM looks so different sober.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
