I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
