Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
