Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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