I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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