he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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