You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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