So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
