I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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