just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
