awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
