We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
