then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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