For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
