it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
