I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
