I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
