Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
