Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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