I'm really into asian looking animals
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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