def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
