went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
