kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
