im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
where are you?
Hypothermia
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
