she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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