My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
