Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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