I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
how does that bad decision feel?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
