my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
