If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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