Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
