we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
