is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
