If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
