She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
