He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
