farters have to be the big spoon...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
