So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
